So why would Jesus decide to spend an entire night in prayer?
Let's backtrack a bit. One of the reasons Jesus was trying to get away from the crowds originally was for the disciple's sake, to let them rest. But there was actually another reason behind the decision to cross the lake - one that affected Jesus himself. Matthew and Mark (and Luke, in passing) describe what happened just before Jesus crosses the lake - John the Baptist was beheaded.
You have to understand the relationship Jesus and John had with each other to fully grasp the significance of this. Jesus' mother, Mary, and John's mother, Elizabeth, were cousins, who knew each other very well. It's recorded that Mary spent three months of her pregnancy with Elizabeth (likely because she thought Elizabeth was the only one she could trust in her situation), and they were both pregnant at the same time - as such, it's very likely that Jesus and John knew each other from as early as they could remember. They probably played together and learned together. John was son of a priest and Jesus the son of a carpenter, so there was a difference in class, but it's clear that that didn't concern either of them. John ended up abandoning his priestly life to live in the desert, preparing the way for Jesus to start his work; and when Jesus was ready to begin, John was the one to baptize him. John had the utmost respect for Jesus ("the straps of [his] sandals I am not worthy to stoop down and untie" - Mark 1:7), and Jesus always spoke very well about John ("I tell you, among those born of women there is no one greater than John" - Luke 7:28). John was perhaps the only person alive at the time who truly understood who Jesus was.
John was put in prison for standing up for what was right - in amazing courage, he told off the regional king for having an affair. But John died for no good reason - he died because a drunk king made a silly promise that a moody woman could take advantage of. And soon after, Jesus heard about it. He got the news that his strongest supporter and (most likely) best friend had been killed.
What would you do if your best friend just died - not out of bravery, not from an accident or sickness, but because a drunk guy wanted to keep up his reputation? Think about it for a second.
Now imagine that, in addition to that, crowds of people, totally oblivious to the news, are coming up to you, asking for something... help with homework, your autograph, the latest gossip, whatever.
Wouldn't you want to get away from it all? Spend some time alone? So you can scream and cry about the injustice of the world in solitude?
I figure that's exactly what Jesus wanted to do. In fact, most likely, he intended to cross the lake, get off at the other side, leave his disciples, and go straight to spending hours in prayer. Not the "Dear God, thank you for your blessings... please help me to... Amen." kind of prayer, but a complete release of emotion; a laying out of his soul before his Father. He probably wanted to scream "WHY?!", to sit there weeping, and to find peace in his heart again before he returned to his ministry. To refresh his emotional strength, which had been drained by the news, but also his spiritual strength, which had been drained by the sheer force it took to forgive the people responsible for John's death. This, readers, is stress.
Some people might feel uncomfortable while reading this - I'm almost making Jesus look weak, like it's hard for him to forgive, like things can scare him or even make him question God's plan. Maybe I'm wrong; maybe Jesus was able to stay totally cool the whole time. But though I believe Jesus was God, I also believe he was human - and part of being human is being outraged. Being scared. Crying. Struggling. And other places in the bible record him doing these exact same things - being filled with anger, pleading with God to change his mind, weeping. So why not here too, after his best friend's death?
Now, the fact that he took his disciples with him in the boat is pretty extraordinary - it shows that even in the midst of this incredible pain and suffering, he saw the stress of the people around him, and realized that they too, needed some time away from the crowds, even though their stress was just from being too busy, not from an emotional loss. And when he arrives at the other shore and - surprise surprise - sees the crowds waiting, keeping him from his time alone in prayer, he doesn't try to run away - he has compassion on them. Nowhere is the "you don't understand what I'm going through;" he doesn't even say "I'll be able to help you better once I've calmed down a bit," he just sits down with them and starts teaching them.
Imagine the temptation Jesus must have had to send the crowds away as soon as his disciples asked him to do so. Imagine how alluring the silence would have been, the chance to spend time crying in his dad's arms. But no; he forces the disciples to get involved, to think beyond themselves, and in doing so, has to get more involved himself.
Was that healthy? Many psychologists today would say it wasn't - that you shouldn't overwork yourself, that when you're stressed, you have to stop and rest, to avoid burnout. Even if you're doing very good things, you have to stop if it risks your own health.
I don't know how to reconcile that with what Jesus did. Should I follow his example? Or should I be concerned enough with my own well-being to stop doing something good once it starts to pressure me? Maybe Jesus just knew that both he and his disciples could handle the extra push... I don't know.
But at any rate, the miracle goes over well, the crowds are well-fed and excited (as we'll soon see, perhaps too excited), and as quickly as he can, Jesus sends everyone away. He knows he's near his human limits. He has to get away and pray. And pray he does. For nearly eight hours, until he is fully refreshed, emotionally and spiritually. But even now, I suppose that he still would have been feeling the physical effects of sleep deprivation, and the sort of empty exhaustion you feel after completely releasing all your emotions - a very satisfying feeling, but tiring nonetheless.
So yeah, that's pretty intense. But guess what, the 24 hours aren't over yet, and neither is the stress!
(continued in Part 3)
No comments:
Post a Comment